blogging is back!

it's been a long winter. a winter filled with much fodder for this blog. sadly, general malaise and "lack of hustle" prevailed upon me once again and caused me to neglect you, my loyal haters' blog reader. i do apologize. i hope you can forgive me eventually and that we may move forward together in pursuit of happiness through hateration. i really don't have anything good to talk about today. i'm open to suggestions. the spring is a hard time to think of things to put here. everything is bunnies and colorful eggs and blossoming trees, who can hate on that? i realize this is a sorry excuse for an entry, but i promise more later. i have to do some zen-like exercises to get back in touch with my darkness. holler at me if you have suggestions...

i hate halloween

so i was in new york this weekend, riding around in cabs and observing the wild life that is saturday night in the city. on our drive from morningside heights to union square, i came to a realization: i hate halloween. let me explain the things i hate specifically about this non-holiday holiday.

first, i hate that so many girls use this day as an excuse to pull out all the unacceptably short, skimpy, revealing clothing in their closets, don it and walk around saying things to guys like, "i'm a french coquette! do you like my costume?" and then twirling around. just be a slut with integrity and rock that sh*t year round. don't try to be demure 364 days of the year only to do that on october 31st.

second, there was a white guy at the party i went to who had on a don king wig and blackface. hello! that is unacceptable 365 days of the year, halloween is no exception. this rule goes for anyone out there thinking of dressing up as anything that's a symbol of oppression/racism/religious persecution/etc.

third, a man dressed as the grim reaper (hooded cloak, sickle, etc) was going around this bar pointing at people as if to indicate "you're next." i was really freaked out and pushed my friend abby in front of me. his cloak was so effective that you couldn't even see if he had a face or not. so it got me thinking: what if that's the real death and this is the one night he can come out of his lair dressed as himself. later on he came up behind me and put his arm around my shoulders so i elbowed him in the ribs. take that, death!! sadly, i'm really freaked out now and i have awakened every morning since then and said thanks to god for helping me make it another day.

fucking halloween! i hate you.

but, you know who i do love? SUGATEA!!

bienvenidos octubre!

flavor flav is really good with kids. you know you watch the surreal life, don't even try to front. i really hate ryan starr though. she's such a non-celebrity. it hurts to watch her.

okay, now to the topic of the moment. (you shall see how the above is related soon.) so, i watched about 4 minutes of the presidential debate last night. the candidates were both so orange it was hard to look at them. and, does anyone else question whether english is the president's first language? sure, he speaks it, but he doesn't actually seem to comprehend it. when kerry was talking, he seriously had a look of complete vacancy on his face. it's not that expression you have when you are trying to understand, but you can't, it's that placid look you have when you're traveling in another country and all the people around you are speaking another language, but you aren't phased, because hey--you're in another country so of course you can't understand. this was troubling to me to say the least. i think if i had to guess what his first language was, i'd think it was chimpanzee. he has pretty much all the facial features of a chimp and we don't know what's under that suit, so you never know. but, to their credit chimpanzees are really smart animals and with the right trainer can learn to communicate quite well using sign language. i guess my only lingering question now is whether dick cheney or karl rove should be credited as jane goodall in this story...

perhaps i will consider watching the next debate, but only if it doesn't conflict with a surreal life marathon as it did last night.

a new career for me!

so there are a few jobs out there that are done so badly, i feel sure i could do them better. today, i'd like to highlight the person/people who wrote the new chipotle burrito jingle. you know, the one that suggests that burritos "make your heart sing" and encourages you to go swimming "with or without a manatee." i hate that song. during my long workday of listening to lite rock, i have been subjected to this jingle at least 5 times. it's unusually bad. i was okay with it up through the part where he lets us know that burritos are "filled with rice and beans and cheese." he's describing the product then. fine. but when he goes off into some fanciful mention of sea creatures, he loses me. who even knows where to find a manatee. is a manatee the animal that looks like a white seal with legs? actually, the jingle sorta reminds me of seals, and then i think of the seal enclosure at the national zoo with the picture of a gutted seal filled with good luck pennies that people have pitched over the edge. and that does not make me want a chipotle burrito.

it's not that i'm pro-cancer, i swear!

i received some requests to post in the blog more often. i could, believe me. nearly everyday i see something worth posting. it's just that i'm incredibly lazy at work. i bet you re-read that twice to make sure i didn't actually mean "incredibly busy." well, i am busy right now, but that's not why i don't write here. it's because i haven't had the energy to be witty as of late. but, i digress. you didn't tune into this to hear about my life, you tuned in to read about something that annoys me (and perchance you as well).

think back to the last party or club to which you went. were there lots of people nattily dressed in all black, with high heels, tight ribbed shirts, or otherwise clad in their sunday best? did you notice a hot guy/girl across the room and think to yourself, that person's got it going on? i'm gonna work my way over there casually, say something funny to the person i know standing near the hot person and then laugh, glance over and introduce myself. you're feeling good, you've got a drink in your hand, you're almost across the room. then, out of the corner of your eye you notice a flash of yellow. you look toward your target and realize that despite their hot outfit, they've unexplicably chosen a plastic yellow bracelet to accesorize. you pause. what a let down. they've got on a livestrong wristband. dejected, you turn back toward your group of friends who are confused as to why you've given up your mission. you emphatically point to your wrist and gesture. they nod knowingly. as you cross the room you also observe that approximately 80% of the room is wearing them.

if the above scenario hasn't happened to you, i'm sure something like it has. why are we all wearing these livestrong wristbands? is it seriously because we support cancer research? i think not. if that was the case, there wouldn't be nearly 4000 writstbands on sale on eBay. those sellers aren't giving money to cancer research. they're just making it possible for you to floss your livestrong wristband like everyone else in america. this is clearly yet another example of a bandwagon people have jumped on and tried to pretend was in the name of something good. i mean, don't get me wrong. i'm glad all these people gave $1 to cancer. i'm sure that's helping some organization somewhere do important work. but, the livestrong writsband can be likened to the PBS tote bag you get when you pledge. it's just a token of appreciation. you don't HAVE to use it! can you imagine getting on the metro one morning and seeing all the NPR subscribers wearing an "all things considered" hat? negative. so then i thought to myself, it must be lance armstrong. there must be something about him that is loveable that i don't get. let's review. he's an amazing cyclist who beat cancer twice. basking in the glow of those victories and on a self-esteem high, he decided to leave his longtime wife for a rockstar. sure, she saw him through cancer twice, but c'mon...it's sheryl crow! who can say no? you're right sheryl, the first cut is indeed the deepest. i'm sure lance's ex-wife agrees. where's her wristband? now there's a cause i could get behind.

short and sweet.

i hate working weekends.

it's his prerogative

it's time to go home. it's friday. i'm tired. i'm late for happy hour. but, i just couldn't leave my desk without posting a little something something about bobby brown. i mean, he really rounded out the week with some amazing news. he is in contract negotiations with bravo to do a new reality show entitled "Being Bobby Brown." i know one of the things i go to bed at night thinking is wow...i wonder just what it's like to be bobby brown...anyway, i have to depart, but i just wanted to say the following things. 1.) bravo is turning out to be quite the network. it all started with queer eye. now they are running season 5 of the west wing on there. they had that horrible/wonderful show "boy meets boy," celebrity poker, a new reality show where viewers compete to write and produce their own sit-com, and now this. watch out other networks, bravo's sneaking up from behind and soon you won't know what hit you. 2.) i can only hope that the premiere episode of "Being Bobby Brown" addresses the issue of just what did happen to the receipts for crack that whitney mentioned in her interview with diane sawyer. now there's an episode of csi i'd actually tune in for. 'tis all. enjoy the weekend. i'm sure it shall provide some fodder for this here blog.